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How do you cope with disapointment?

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How do you cope with disapointment?

Post  Guest on Mon Feb 18, 2013 8:15 am

If you're disappointed with yourself, if your close ones are disappointed with you, and when life seems redundant. what do you do?

I think of myself as a very hateful person, that can be going against the academy rules. Essentially, I act upon the rule that those who can give no respect, shall not receive respect, and respect is earned, not provided.
That means if I'm ridiculed by others, they shall not receive any respect from me.

I exist with hatred and fury. Each time I do not achieve the maximum, I berate myself. If something went wrong, its my fault, and I deserve to be looked down upon. However, whining about it won't help, thus the correct path would be to improve.
Looking down upon oneself every time one does not perform good, gives a boost to the will of becoming better. Learn from mistakes, punish yourself for every mistake you do, learn that failure is not acceptable. Hate the ones that drag you down, drag the ones you deem worthy up, form a symbiosis, but do not waver in dominance. Turn the fury and anger into willpower, do not give up on the goal, as that is unacceptable.

To me, games aren't merely for relaxation. Relaxation is to temporarily give up on the goal. If I can't be serious in my sparetime, how can I be serious in my work time? What I realize from WoT is that humans truly enjoy the pain of others. By verbal abuse, mocking, goading, people seem to boost their enjoyment at the cost of other people. Battling in the game is a test of your abilities. Aim, patience, knowledge and analysis. If I wanted a verbal contest, I would listen to teenagers rap battling. Loathe the people who cannot understand that verbal assaults can be more hurting than physical assaults.

So am I disappointed in myself? Always. Regardless of what I do, its never good enough, as long as I think like that, I will never cease to improve. The worst thing I can say to myself is that I've achieved my goal. As Karajan stated, if you've reached your goal, you've not set it high enough.
Never cease to raise that bar, be constantly disappointed in yourself, always believe others look down upon you, use that hatred to improve, prove them wrong, never reach it for you will never find satisfaction in your actions. After each event, always think "could've gone better", whenever you have success, shrug it off as something trivial and pointless.

This might be somewhat the opposite of Denolven's suggestion of thinking, and I suppose that applies for most people, but I find my mindset helping me quite alot into constantly improving.

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Re: How do you cope with disapointment?

Post  Ding760 on Mon Feb 18, 2013 10:30 am

Kawashiro wrote:

So am I disappointed in myself? Always. Regardless of what I do, its never good enough, as long as I think like that, I will never cease to improve. The worst thing I can say to myself is that I've achieved my goal. As Karajan stated, if you've reached your goal, you've not set it high enough.
Never cease to raise that bar, be constantly disappointed in yourself, always believe others look down upon you, use that hatred to improve, prove them wrong, never reach it for you will never find satisfaction in your actions.

I can see nobody wants to touch this timebomb but me being the outspoken one will take a honest reply. Also I think everyone here can do with some intelligent and orderly conversation. Smile

Kawa... amazingly...I do agree with 99% of what you said. Everything checks out and to me everything makes good logic and should be followed as an example of a mindset which may appeal to certain people.

However, I do have to say (and this is that 1%) that I deem you may have overlooked something. To me... during improvement, one has two levels of satisfaction. Now, while I'm no psychologist and don't know the technical words, I believe there is a long-term satisfaction level and a general satisfaction level.

Example, I have just finished my university final exam with top grades, a milestone for most people out there.In this circumstance, for my general satisfaction level I may be fulfilled, thinking 'I've done good!'. But my long-term satisfaction level includes needing to find a job, get more education, etc and is unsatisfied. And this long-term satisfaction will continue on forever as you raise the bar every time something is achieved. For your general satisfaction level, the only time it is not fulfilled is if you've failed something, in my example, if you've failed your final exams, then both your general satisfaction level and long-term satisfaction level is not satisfied.

I guess what I'm saying is: there's no need to constantly kick yourself for it. The yearning to improve and the frustration at not knowing everything should be kept at the BACK of your mind and not at the front where everyone can visibly see it. We all yearn to improve (at least I hope we all do... since we are in SGTA after all), but this yearning need not leak out to your attitude toward others or of life in general. General satisfaction gives you some respite and makes you feel better.

Knowing you Kawa (and forgive me if I'm waaaay wrong)...I'd hazard a guess you would argue you don't care for such illusionary pleasures such as the general satisfaction I've described. However, that is your choice. If you wish to live your life full of hate (as you generally called it) and achieve a certain result, then carry on. But if you want to live feeling good yet STILL achieving the same result, then consider taking some temporary pleasure in what you've achieved. Man (or woman) was not made to live in a constant state of hate and anguish. I believe you are putting yourself through some unnecessary stress, when you could achieve the same amount of success in the same amount of time without such pressure.

Ultimately, it's your call. I still think of you in no different way! In fact I find you truly fascinating! lol! Hope you did not take offence from what I wrote as I did not take the bother to write all that to offend you. Hopefully my opinion will be taken into consideration.


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Re: How do you cope with disapointment?

Post  Vallu01 on Mon Feb 18, 2013 3:19 pm

Well written both of you. Usually in my hobbies I tend to do what Ding described. Making new PB track time while racing, ooh yeaaah, next lap! Winning in WoT while commanding TC, good good, next battle! Now to beat what I just I did.

Of course there are times for me when I just want have a laugh and go have some fun. Smile

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Re: How do you cope with disapointment?

Post  Guest on Mon Feb 18, 2013 9:57 pm

I'm not exactly a ticking timebomb. I'm more like a proximity mine, step in the wrong direction, and you'd see a small grey mine covered with green dots that kills you and removes that precious moonraker laser from you. (I sucked at that btw)

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Re: How do you cope with disapointment?

Post  Denolven on Tue Feb 19, 2013 2:39 am

Kawashiro wrote:This might be somewhat the opposite of Denolven's suggestion of thinking, and I suppose that applies for most people, but I find my mindset helping me quite alot into constantly improving.
Well, I'm not sure what I should "suggest" - since everyone has his own path, I don't see much use in suggesting anything. I just say my opinion if I'm asked (and sometimes if I'm not asked). The decision what to do is done by oneself, and it doesn't matter whether it's the same direction as me or not.

So, how do I cope with disappointment, hm. There are two cases, one being others disappointed of me, and the other one me being disappointed of myself. They are not that different though, because the first one can lead to the second one. Also, the first one is not really a problem, so let's focus on the second one.
What I do then is what I always do. I amplify the mind mode that I'm in most of the time, punish myself alot more than neccesary, and browse options until I found a way that works, ideally works better. This punishing is not hitting myself with a whip, it's alot more subtle and doesn't even feel like punishment. But the result is that it burns many of my resources, and in the end I'm probably not a bit happier, often it puts even more weight on my shoulders.

You are right though, if I'm asked, my answer would probably be not to follow my direction. It brought me great possibility, and great burden as well, a burden that many people probably can't bear. I'm lucky that I got a body that is still capable of managing all that self-induced stress quite well. I'm as healthy as one can be, according to the physicians. Yet my head is a gigantic mess, constantly battling and working and browsing data, scenarios, impressions, feelings and whatnot, causing more stress (and related symptoms) than the physical world could ever do. And I'm not even achieving anything, just constantly browsing an unlimited heap of data and data combinations.

So whenever I have the choice, I try to leave that mess.
No, actually I try to avoid the need of leaving that mess, because that mess is really important to me, obviously.
But I do enjoy the rare times when my head is "empty", which is sometimes enforced by my body (buddy). And sleeping has become one of my alltime favourite hobbies.

It took me a while to find out that people are a key. I spent a few decades alone, lots of time for thinking. Just to find out that hugging a loved one is worth more than all thinking I could ever do. All the wealth and technical trinkets we made, they all pale in comparison to us.

By the way Kawa, you don't hate yourself. The fact that you are still around is proof enough. In fact, I think the opposite is the case - obviously you do care about yourself. The way you do it may look like hatred to you, but it's not. Maybe we have different definitions of the word, though.
And with "timebomb" Vallu didn't mean you, but the topic. Most people are not used to talk about such personal matters openly, because "it could explode" and cause heavy changes in someone's personal world. So people tend to avoid such discussions - getting our personal world destroyed is quite... exhausting.

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Re: How do you cope with disapointment?

Post  lazydot on Tue Feb 19, 2013 3:55 am

You are not satisfied with your situation, the way you deal with it is not the best or most effective to change it as well, which leads back to the first point. But there are also a conflict with your mindset and your personal philosophy of life, which makes any attempt of change void. But even without it, that's not as easy subject to change, as easy and logical it could sound on paper.

Are you just afraid giving a try to something new, which you perceive as contemptible but which you could find pretty satisfying and fulfilling in the long term? Or even not considering it as valid option?

Open up a bit, give a try to new things, even if you dislike them, maybe you get some new impressions. Find someone IRL, or f*ck even on the internet, who you respect and to whom you can talk to and/or someone, who you just can relax with.

But oh well, relaxing is something for the weak, right? Wrong, you can't get to the next level, if you don't have any recovering/self-healing processes in between your "sprints". No matter whether its of physical or mental nature. Being satisfied with results, raising your own goals, which will give you another satisfaction once reached, will keep you motivated and let you feel a lot better.

Everyone needs his small moments of personal victories, motivation is the key to keep your will.

And about life seem to be redundant at some point. It's not redundant, it's getting repetitive, which in turn makes it kinda feel redundant some times, at least for me. Because of this repetitive circles, where you're staying "satisfied", with the same stuff all over again, is where your life progression ends. If in doubt, step out of the circle, make some significant changes in your life (new work, new town, new friend(s), new hobbies or whatever) and see how it develops.

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Re: How do you cope with disapointment?

Post  crazytony0 on Tue Feb 19, 2013 4:59 am

a lot croses my mind, but dont know what the best way is to write it al down. Basic thing i want to explain is the folowing, each of us has dificulties, doubts and lack of motivation or problems to be satified. I for example feal very bad at my work because there is not realy anyone who i can trust/talk to. This whole thing is been going on for 3 years now, and has gone from bad to worse. The problems i have at my work are problems i take with me at home and when with friends. this as a whole make me doubt everything and myself as the most. Also, i am oftem lacking lust to do anything, and i have to obligate myself to do it. this might come unexpected for most of u guys, but that is how stuff is going around here (especialy last couple of months). If i sound cheerfull, thats just a rare temperarily moment. However, one should try to find his way to vent his bad fealings. There is no magic way wich works for all of us, neither is a way wich guarantees for a given person. Also, it can be hard to do any off these as eaven when u know u might like theem, it still takes efort to comit yourself to try get a bit cheerfull. a quick grab of posebilitys: sports, listening to music, reading a book, taking a walk, playing a game, watching a movie, going out, having a drink,coocking,... eaven some small things can help a cleaned up desk/room and a good song before you get to school or work (i myself like it if i can see a nice sunrise eaven) can help u suprisingly well to get your day started just a bit better. From what i know when speaking with u kawa, i think u need to look for more people with the same disability, that will help you to comunicate a bit better, and maore importantly trust, as i am quite sure u dont realy have a person where u can empty your hart(not sure if this expression translates well).

so, remember that i do respect and like u a lot, and would like to hang out with u if u where anywhere near here. that said, i am sure there will be others like me, who must live a lot closer to you, (there must be living a few thousands within a 10 mile radius from you, so statisticaly there should be dozens at least. the trick is just to get out and find them.)

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Re: How do you cope with disapointment?

Post  Guest on Tue Feb 19, 2013 5:01 am

I think many missunderstands what I mean. I'm not against healing if I've contacted a disease or such, but I would get irritated that I allowed myself to get it in the first place. My thoughts are geared towards constant progression, never ending. From my perspective, if one has reached a goal, the bar was clearly set way too low. This repetitive cycle is not something I would view upon as satisfaction, and I do try out new things all the time, gathering new knowledge about fields I didn't know about before.

The thing about "relaxation for the weak" isn't completely untrue. Humans seek relaxation because it puts least strain on their body, thus something to seek. However, it comes at the cost of time, something that's not infinite. Relaxation is good to replenish functionality, but being a main goal to be relaxed is not something I deem... effective.

My motivation is not victory, my motivation is to not be a failure. I'm motivated by the notion that nothing I do is good enough, thus I cannot stop trying to succeed.

Also, about hating myself, it's not the hate one might think, it's more of a hate in those kind of questions.
"Why am I born with such disabilities?"
"Why can't I finish this in time?"
"Why does it take so long time to do this?"
"Why are the results so bad?"
Its a hatred towards my weaknesses, not me as a general person.
My arrogance kind of shows that I suppose.

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Re: How do you cope with disapointment?

Post  Denolven on Tue Feb 19, 2013 7:06 am

Kawashiro wrote:Its a hatred towards my weaknesses
That will change some day. Until then, endure and do what feels right. You'll notice it when you are ready to see (may take a long time).
Not much of help, but it's the only thing I can say that is not a waste of time.

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Re: How do you cope with disapointment?

Post  MadInAShed on Tue Feb 19, 2013 8:49 am

I used to be competitive in everything i did, but i stopped and saw the light when i grew tired (phsyically and mentally) and realised that it was doing me no good. Whilst you need not celebrate failure you can accept it for what it is, you cannot and will not be succesful everytime, no-one is. Some even say that failure teaches you more than success does and in some ways this is true.

Life is hard enough without you beating yourself up as well.

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Re: How do you cope with disapointment?

Post  crazytony0 on Wed Feb 20, 2013 8:47 am

MadInAShed wrote:I used to be competitive in everything i did, but i stopped and saw the light when i grew tired (phsyically and mentally) and realised that it was doing me no good. Whilst you need not celebrate failure you can accept it for what it is, you cannot and will not be succesful everytime, no-one is. Some even say that failure teaches you more than success does and in some ways this is true.

Life is hard enough without you beating yourself up as well.

there is some wisdom in this post, tough it is not easy to learn from failure, it may take just a couple of them, or a lot of them to learn, depending on the person

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Re: How do you cope with disapointment?

Post  Sapaki on Sun Feb 24, 2013 6:45 am

I read Kawas OP and my only objection to it is that it seems to lack balance. I think that it is as important to constantly try and improve oneself, but it is also necessary from time to time to step a bit back, relax and not worry so much about how well one does or how people look upon him.

Constantly trying and struggling about things is bound to wear one out sooner or later, both physically and psycholigically. Like an engine needs some idle time and will break down if it always runs in full throtle, one needs to relax a bit and take life a bit easier. It helps puting some perspective into things. Usually being too harsh on ones self might seem appealing as it generates the necessary drive in order to acheive ones goals, on the other hand forcing too much can lead to burn out.

It is good being a perfectionist and to have high expectations of oneself but my humble opinion is that there comes a time whe you should just stop for a second, a minute or an hour and say "ok now I am going to stop taking things seriously and act silly and with childlike innocence without caring about what others say". This time might seem unproductive (because it actually is) but in the longterm it is benaficial for all the reasons I stated above. So from where I stand, acting a bit crazy from time to time is as important as being serious, disciplined and proffessional.

Push by all means, but don't push too hard, because as with every material, you never really know where the breaking point is. You also never know when life will decide to add to the stress you are already applying to yourself without asking you.

When you think about it, as Oscar Wilde put it: life is too short (and silly) to be taken seriously.

As far as failure is concerned, if you think about it failure is a relative thing. One's success can be another man's failure. For instance if one works day and night and he is good at his job and all his peers respect him for that. A success in his work. Imagine that same man having a child, he cannot see it, spend time with it, see it grow up since he spends all day and part of the night at work. A faillure as a father. The opposite can also be true. So in the end what is success? To know the price of your decisions and try to acheive balance between all the conflicting aspects of your life. You will never have the time to do it all, you will have to choose sooner or later. It is not about setting bars and passing over them, this is good to motivate you in the short term. Is to live life at the fullest and say that I was here I did well. Each man's "well" is a question of choice. Do becarefull of your choice though because once commited it is usually too late to change course.

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Re: How do you cope with disapointment?

Post  Ding760 on Sun Feb 24, 2013 9:53 am

Sapaki wrote:
As far as failure is concerned, if you think about it failure is a relative thing. One's success can be another man's failure. For instance if one works day and night and he is good at his job and all his peers respect him for that. A success in his work. Imagine that same man having a child, he cannot see it, spend time with it, see it grow up since he spends all day and part of the night at work. A faillure as a father. The opposite can also be true. So in the end what is success? To know the price of your decisions and try to acheive balance between all the conflicting aspects of your life. You will never have the time to do it all, you will have to choose sooner or later. It is not about setting bars and passing over them, this is good to motivate you in the short term. Is to live life at the fullest and say that I was here I did well. Each man's "well" is a question of choice. Do becarefull of your choice though because once commited it is usually too late to change course.

This last part was very good...never thought of it like that (amazingly)...cheers Sapaki!

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Re: How do you cope with disapointment?

Post  Guest on Mon Feb 25, 2013 1:08 am

Well, I have no intention of becoming a mother, and if I do... may God or any supernatural beings help the child. I know I cannot succeed in professional career if I have to give a child too much attention, so I just won't get screwed... literally speaking.

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Re: How do you cope with disapointment?

Post  Sapaki on Mon Feb 25, 2013 2:41 am

@Kawa: I was not suggesting you should contemplate motherhood, you are way too young to even think about that. I only used this as an example to demonstrate the relativity of "success".

Anyway I do hope that my wall of text managed to make you be a little less harsh on yourself and maybe even make you feel a bit better.

@Ding: Well you know when shit slaps you in the face with all it has (fortunately this concerned only financial and living standards in my case and not something more serious) you do think some things over and do reset your priorities a bit.


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Re: How do you cope with disapointment?

Post  Yamaxanadu on Mon Feb 25, 2013 6:20 pm

I just do not care about anything at all. After all, I am not perfectionist and I can cope with my failures as the part of learning process. At the same time I do not push subject if I in a bad mood - it's useless.

And... I am that kind of person who infuriate others. Very Happy

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Re: How do you cope with disapointment?

Post  Guest on Mon Feb 25, 2013 6:26 pm

You have the personality of your subordinate.

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Re: How do you cope with disapointment?

Post  Ding760 on Mon Feb 25, 2013 8:39 pm

Kawashiro wrote:You have the personality of your subordinate.

On the contrary... that doesn't sound like me...

And yes...I am assuming 'subordinate' refers to me.

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Re: How do you cope with disapointment?

Post  Guest on Mon Feb 25, 2013 10:11 pm

Ding760 wrote:
Kawashiro wrote:You have the personality of your subordinate.

On the contrary... that doesn't sound like me...

And yes...I am assuming 'subordinate' refers to me.

Go search it up... maybe it's just me nitpicking over Enma's username.
http://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Komachi

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Re: How do you cope with disapointment?

Post  Yamaxanadu on Mon Feb 25, 2013 10:21 pm

Kawashiro wrote:You have the personality of your subordinate.
Otherwise somebody was punished a long time ago... =)

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